Dappled Sunlight
Dappled Sunlight
When my Mother first talked to me as a wee lass (perhaps 5 or 7) about attending Quaker Meeting, I asked my Mother, “what do you do…?”
“Just sit,” she said.
“And then what?”
“Keep sitting.”
“…but then what?” I was sooo frustrated.
“Listen for the voice of God.”
“…ok…How will I know if I hear Him?”
“You’ll know.”
Later, when we entered the dark mahogany lined room at the back of our local church, I was met by a circle of wooden chairs. “Shh…just sit,” my Mother whispered, as she plopped me on a chair next to her.
In my vague memories of these early Meetings I remember looking around at all the “old people;” some with their eyes closed, some holding what I now know to be a soft gaze.
I sat — not entirely as still as my Mother would like — and looked out the window. Dappled sunlight filtered through the tree outside the Meeting Room. I watched the leaves move gently in the wind, and wondered how much longer I’d be forced to sit.
Quaker Meeting was substantially more boring than the Catholic Mass I attended with my father on Seventh Day. I didn’t get it. Despite attending a Catholic school during these years, I didn’t entirely get Mass either.
But it wasn’t self-guided like our unprogrammed Quaker Meeting. I took great comfort in the structure of programmed worship. I took comfort in the Priest telling us all what to do.
I believed, like most obedient and devout Catholic school children, that if I did what the Priest said, and attended Mass “properly” (doing all the stuff during the service) God would be happy with me and I was going to get into Heaven.
Quaker Meeting was unsettling. The energy flow, the silence, the stillness…the self-guided nature of it. I didn’t get it at all. It was my first real experience with the notion that humans contain the answers within themselves and do not need someone else to tell them what to do or what to think.
And that was as alarming as it was exciting.
Whether I ever heard Him or not back then, I couldn’t truthfully say. My memories are foggy, and I am sure my deeply flawed youthful brain was too focused on the external to tune in.
As I have come to understand God now, I have been hearing Him all my life.
The Inner Light, The Truth, God, Spirit…That Which Cannot Be Named…I have been hearing It all my life.
And so have you.
Whether you’re a member of the Religious Society of Friends, or a follower of another religion, you too have That Inner Light, and you experience it. The Light shapes you, guides you, protects you, and inspires you.
Over the years Spirit (as I sometimes call it) took many forms for me. It often and most frequently has appeared as The Light. I experienced The Light at Quaker Meeting, in meditation at a Buddhist monastery, and even alone in the woods or sitting quietly in the shower.
I spent a long time questioning myself and what I was feeling, experiencing, living. The part of my brain that desperately loves structure had a difficult time reconciling my seemingly dichotomous experiences.
Was I a bad Quaker if I also held Pagan beliefs? Was it possible to live as a Quaker and a Buddhist? What if all of this wasn’t OK? What if the World said it wasn’t allowed? What if I would no longer be welcome in one of my religious communities?
I spent years searching for the truth only to discover after my Mother’s passing (perhaps because of it) that they are all truth.
Spirit meets you on your terms. Spirit shows up for you in the way that will most resonate with your beliefs, experiences, and world view. We meet Spirit in the way that allows us to fully experience It, grow with It, and love with It.
I invite you to take a moment today and connect with Spirit, however seems most natural to you. Maybe that’s walking in nature, sitting quietly with your thoughts, or laughing with your children.
Spirit is always within you, always guiding you, supporting you, and loving you. Find a moment to open yourself to It, and take comfort in knowing you’re never alone, and you contain all the wisdom you need.